The Power And Impossibilium

I dreamt about you last night.

It was the first time in a long while that my unconscious mind has wandered down this road. My conscious mind, aware of time and distance, has been battered by the ravages of war. It still longs for things that can never be.

But while I sleep, an alternate universe is woven like a web that glimmers with a fresh morning dew. And in it, I relive your beauty. 

My gaze falls upon your raven hair and its perfect sheen. I can feel your warmth through our clothes as we sit pressed against one another in an overcrowded car. Your scent penetrates the nostrils of my unconscious self with a delicacy that my conscious mind is no longer able to recall. Your smile delights me and your throaty laugh hints towards a deep, untamed passion. My lips are even allowed a subtle moment to brush your bare shoulder, unnoticed by everyone except you and I. 

Here, in this place created by my memory and my imagination, we are unchanged by the events of our conscious lives. Our past is alive, our present is altered and our future is immaterial. It is the moment and I am cleansed by its purity.

Inevitably, I wake to the realization that it is merely a dream, a reflection of the raw power you hold within my heart. I am moved to tears by the beauty of it and also by its impossibility.

#lateonthis

Panoramic Fun At Crescent Falls

Hangin’

#relevant

The Best Post Ever

Gotcha. 

Born Losers

The more that I think about this still anticipated split between my wife and I, I’m growing much more at ease with the reality of it. 

I heard this song driving into work this morning; it’s the first single from Canadian singer/songwriter Matthew Good off of his Hospital Music album released roughly 10 years back? (That can’t be right, can it?) Matt had recently split up with his wife Jenny and was very tortured over the whole thing. He went on a long acoustic tour right after which, at the time, felt like it was some kind of therapy for him. After that, he recorded and released Hospital Music which I felt was more therapy for him. 

Listening to the lyrics to Born Losers, I feel that bitterness and also feel that I’m on the verge of freedom and maybe even some kind of vindication. This marriage has largely been an exercise in pain and desperation, grief that I will feel lighter without. 

Nature Boy

I’ve been inspired by ladyn0ttingham over at Blackbird Rising who has thrown up a few photos of her most recent adventure into the natures. I now feel compelled to post a few nature shots of my own from my camping trip out in David Thompson country. 

I took them with my iPhone and didn’t even bother to try and edit them. Cuz I’m lazy like that. 

Deep Thinks On The Over-Plan

Not every post here has to be a novel nor does it have to be Pulitzer-winning material. I need to remind myself of this… and frequently, it would seem. I start writing things and delete them because they aren’t thought out well or my writing is scatter-brained. 

It’s a chronic problem that I have, it’s my way of procrastinating. Instead of just doing it and letting the chips fall where they may, I analyze it and then over-analyze it until I’ve wasted sufficient time that the moment has passed. This problem doesn’t only apply to writing, I do it with a lot of things… come to think of it, I do it in many areas of my life where I’m afraid to take a step into a large or difficult task. I plan and analyze and often don’t get around to executing the plan and accomplishing that which I originally wanted to do. 

Why is this? Introspection on this matter leads me to wonder if it’s because I’m generally afraid to fail. 

Now, I think that a lot of people might just stop there when they’re getting introspective. But that ain’t me, as I’m telling you… I’m an over-analyzer. (And a procrastinator, don’t forget.) So I ask myself, ‘why am I afraid to fail or even produce something that is not good?’ [note that I never use the term ‘good’ because I feel that it’s over-used and ambiguous so to do it here is me trying to make progress] What is it about producing something in any form that is sub-standard that turns me off? 

Is it evidence that I am sub-standard? Is it proof that I am deeply flawed? Will people think of me differently by seeing the crappy fruits of my labor?

My feeling… my realization is that I have to accept that, regardless of what I do, my efforts are always going to be less than perfect in my own eyes and probably in the eyes of those around me. However, I am always doing and producing things that people see whether I am aware of it or not. I am always being judged and need to become comfortable with that. It’s my own imperfection that needs to drive me to be better and stronger rather than hinder or prevent me from moving forward and growing. 

Like that Featured Image up there… I took that photo on my iPhone and then edited it on my iPhone. It’s probably utter shite but it’s my utter shite. I’m just putting it out there and let it be what it is. 

Not perfect. Probably crap. But it’s mine. And I love it. 

Trouser Snake Charmer

When she’s pretty confident in her blowjob abilities:

#lateonthis

Hangin’